For the last ten weeks I have been running. I have been working really long days and creating some of the most ridiculous working conditions that I have ever put myself through – even through Amy’s cancer. My rationale: I am in better health, I am not married (and have no one else to care for), I don’t really have any hobbies or side interests other than my job and relatively no other obligations outside of ministry. I have chopped it all up to grief management and figured this is all for a season. I tell myself, “I have managed large amounts of stress before. I can manage this…”

However, somewhere along the way I have missed something and need to repent! I have been so busy that important relationships have been neglected. Friends who have had feelings they have need to share have not been given an outlet to do so, thus creating conditions for others to harbor resentment toward me, as they don’t want to interrupt my work during the “busy season.” Further, in my pursuit for growing a ministry in a failing economy, I have forgotten my first love and why I went in to business in the first place: to preach the Gospel!

Over the last two weeks as I have tried to realign myself and get back in step with the Spirit, there has been an incredible backlash to my lifestyle choice. I worked two 60 hour weeks back to back just putting out fires that came about because of my self-created chaos! Relationships that I had wained had to be strengthened, systems that had fallen apart needed repaired and my fatigued body has been crying out for rest.

There is a big difference between loving the work and loving the Lord. I think that I love both. Unfortunately, in this last year, I have chosen to love the work more. It’s not working out. Therefore, I have been reassessing the basics and have come to the following conclusions:

1. My leadership lid does not grow no matter how many hours I put in. In other words, just because I am in the position to put in a crazy amount of hours, those hours do not necessarily equal growth in the ministry or in the checkbook. I’m at the level that I am at and God brings the increase. Working double or even triple the hours does not bring me more satisfaction, organizational growth, financial stability or joy in the work or in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 3:7)

2. My priority should always be the Gospel. I have spent the last five years trying to build systems for the gospel to be preached, to financially sustain the work of evangelism, to encourage the body of Jesus Christ to work together and to build a bridge between the wider secular community. Somewhere in there, the Gospel has been neglected because for an evangelist, I haven’t been preaching the gospel that much! I’ve decided that it’s all folly and if the organization falls on its head because I am leading people to Christ, then so be it. My joy and passion is watching people get born again and that’s all I really want to do with my time. God will have to worry about the organization of it all… (Jeremiah 17:7-10)

3. The Good News is still good news! On the back end of celebrity deaths (Amy Winehouse), national tragedies like the bombing in Oslo and the constant possibility of economic collapse, Jesus is still Savior of the world and Lord of all! Believe it or not, all of this is part of God’s plan to bring about change. I am so thankful that God uses tragedy to bring about repentance, healing and hope. He did it on the cross 2000 years ago. He did it when I hit rock bottom 15 years ago. He did this past Saturday when 15 or so people got born again at John Powell’s hip-hop outreach in Willimantic, CT and then again yesterday when several people gave their lives at my home church out in the woods. (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

When all is said and done, I am thankful for that message of hope that is still Good News to me. It is still saving me, giving me new beginnings, realigning my focus and my oasis in life’s desert. It is the driving source of my passion and love and this is an important distinction from my work. This is an important distinction because the Gospel is also my rest and my peace. Every time I need Good News, I don’t think, “Oh yes, I have more work!” I think, “Oh yes, I still have Jesus!”